Many people spend their lives reacting to perceived slights and conflicts. They have learned somewhere that the way you deal with anything is to jump into reactive mode and get mad at people. You’ve probably met someone like this: They see someone across the room and immediately assume that that person is talking about them, so they jump into a rage, get sad or shut down.
Reacting based on assumptions or our inner dialogue is one of the major behaviors that keeps people from connecting with one another. If we spend our time assuming that someone is trying to hurt us we live a very specific kind of life that is based on ongoing hurt and conflict. People live this way for a variety of reasons but mainly because they learned it at a young age and don’t know any other way of doing things. The good news is that you get to choose what kind of life you live starting right now. Here are some tips so that you can move from reactive to calm.
1. Assume people aren’t talking about you.
2. Assume that people aren’t trying to hurt you.
3. Live a life that helps you bring joy to others.
4. Seek professional help to work through why you react to others.
5. Learn to identify the feelings that come up inside you and calm them down.
6. Try not to pre-judge people’s motivations.
7. Have an alternate plan for how you will react positively.
8. Listen to people until they are finished talking; then act.
9. Practice patience.
10. Focus first on making yourself a better person and growing.
There’s nothing wrong with experiencing emotions unless they limit our ability to interact positively with others. Try working on the steps we’ve mentioned and you’ll be on your way to seeing the world in a different light.