Many people go through life putting out fires and reacting to whatever conflict comes their way rather than trying to prevent it. We often spend much of our time focusing on the issue on the surface but don’t do anything to resolve the underlying situation. Think about the last time you had a fight with someone you loved. What was it about? Did you fix it? Did it go away permanently? Think of the following points next time you are in conflict with someone.
What is this conflict really about?
What am I feeling inside and where does that come from?
Do I really care whether the toilet seat is up or is it about something else?
What is it about me that compels me to fight about this?
What do I need to do to fix this situation?
When you ask yourself questions like these you begin the process of understanding yourself. It is this self-knowledge that helps us figure out who we really are at a deeper level. We spend so much time fighting about things that are only the tip of the real problem that lies below. Think about it next time you get upset. Am I really mad about the lid being left off the jar or is it that I feel like no one cares about me?
Once you figure out what’s really going on you can begin doing the important work to actually fix your relationship and life conflicts.