The Self-Awareness Guy

Are You Insecure?

Insecurity chips away at many people’s self-esteem and keeps us stuck feeling poorly about ourselves. It can even affect our relationships because it inserts and unhealthy element into the relationship. Insecurity can be defined as when someone feels that they are not worthwhile. People feel insecure when they are scared, feel threatened or feel like they are not important.

Some people withdraw when they are insecure others lash out. Regardless of how we behave, insecurity is about how we feel about ourselves. So what can we do to feel better about ourselves. Think of the following ideas to boost your self confidence and reduce your insecurity.

Characteristics of Secure People

Aren’t threatened by others.
Listen well and don’t require attention by talking.
Don’t require attention all the time.
Are comfortable with other people’s success.
Don’t feel they have to win.
Don’t put other people down to make themselves feel better.

Characteristics of Insecure People
Threatened by others.
Talk a lot to get attention.
Need to be the center of attention.
Jealous of others’ success.
Competitive, always need to win.
Put people down to feel better.

Think of yourself, where do you fall on these two extremes? If you see yourself on the insecure side, don’t worry, all you have to do is increase some of the positive traits. Even very insecure people can feel better about themselves by doing things that allow them to experience their own success.

I suggest to my clients that they find out something they like to do and pursue it. Learn from the successes and challenges in life and you will learn how to feel great about yourself. Feeling secure takes some practice but the rewards are amazing.



5 thoughts on “Are You Insecure?

  1. ReviewChick

    I’m in a relationship with a wonderful guy who’s treated me better than anyone I’ve been with. We are very committed to each other and he’s brought up marriage and kids way earlier than I have. We are both 21, and I recently left the school we went to to transfer to another one (we are both Divison I basketball players on full scholarships) because my team got a new coach – the new school is 2.5 hours away. He is also from another country, and currently it’ll be 24 days until we see each other again before school starts. Just transferring to another school has magnified my insecurities. I’m insecure if he will be faithful, and if we can make this work (we have a plan…we talked about everything), and a whole bunch of other things. I am his first girlfriend, and I’m also somewhat insecure if he knows for sure that he wants me. We both have high standards, but I don’t know if that means anything. Because we are both college basketball players, we are very busy and this will significantly limit the time we can spend together during the school year. He told me he sees our relationship as the same commitment we have to our sport – it’s always something that can be better and be improved, and it’s always something we love. I believe him in my heart that he won’t do me wrong and that we can and will get through this, but my insecurity issues are really getting in the way. It is probably the number one reason I get mad at him or get upset. We talk about EVERYTHING…and although he’s really patient and reassuring, I still want to find a way to minimize my insecurity. How in the world do you think I could possibly do that? I don’t want this to consume me and ruin our relationship.

  2. The Relationship Guy

    Insecurity stems from within us. It is caused by the things we are not sure of rather than objective facts or evidence. I always ask my clients to make themselves as healthy as possible before they even get in a relationship. Learn who you are, what you love to do, the things that bring you joy, the interests you have and your passions in life. By understanding ourselves better we then can make decisions based on feeling great rather than feeling insecure. Think about it this way: If you felt great about yourself in every way, would it matter to you at all what other people think or do? You may also want to give yourself permission to just learn about yourself through experience. There is no rule book that says you have to do things a certain way or be perfect. Above all, always treat yourself well and ask others to do the same.

  3. Anonymous

    What do you have to say about it when inspite of one knowing that his insecurities are baseless, he/she just cannot keep those thoughts away because he/she thinks that there is something more than meets the eye…Something dark, adultery happening without his/her knowledge…What does one do then?

  4. The Relationship Guy

    In general people are responsible for working out these doubts themselves. We don’t have control over what people do but we can encourage them to find the answers themselves. Many people benefit from talking to an uninvolved, neutral, third person like a counselor or coach to help them understand where their insecurities come from. The good news is that people can and do get rid of these insecurities when they work on resolving the root cause. For example: If someone is insecure because they felt abandoned as a child they can benefit greatly from getting help to resolve that issue.

  5. Anonymous

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