The Self-Awareness Guy

dealing with feelings

Self-Awareness and Being Damaged

Self-Awareness and Being Damaged


Self-awareness is a quality that is in short supply in deeply damaged people because they tend to behave unconsciously, based on their inner pain. When someone is hurt at a core level and lashes out based on those inner wounds, it's a visceral reaction rather than one based on careful deliberation. Here are some characteristics of a deeply damaged person:

  • Thinking, feeling and behaving negatively based on past hurts.
  • Lack of empathy toward others.
  • Rigid thinking and inability to consider other points of view.
  • Inability to heal.
  • Reluctance to change, stuck in current way of doing things.
  • Lashing out at others based on unresolved issues inside himself.
  • Unwilling to examine what causes his inner turmoil.
  • Lack of understanding of what will really make him happy.
  • Seeks approval from people who don't really value him.
  • Pattern of negative relationships.
  • Harsh, hard, commanding personality on the outside, fragile on the inside.
  • Lies to self and others to justify incongruous, inconsistent thoughts and beliefs.
  • Treats other people poorly, a reflection of his inner feelings about himself.

If you've ever met a person like this, you've probably gotten a creepy feeling about them, unless you fall into this category, in which case the behavior seems normal. Thankfully, even deeply troubled people can change the course of their lives by replacing their old thoughts and behaviors with more positive ones. It's a long and arduous process, but anyone with the will to let go of the damage and love themselves is capable of doing it.

The key to being genuinely happy in life is to think and behave positively to make the world a better place for yourself and others. Self-awareness allows you to take a careful, meaningful look at yourself and heal the hurts that keep you from being your true, shiny self. What will you do to move beyond the damage?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Coaching

10 Beliefs that Prevent Team Building

10 Beliefs that Prevent Team Building

A lot of leaders and organizations want to practice effective team building but there's a big chasm between wanting to do something and actually doing it.  I often hear people in workplaces saying things out loud that illustrate why they aren't building teams but they're not aware they're doing it.  People have beliefs hardwired inside them that they don't even realize get in the way of bringing employees together and encouraging them to collaborate.  Here are ten of the most prevalent beliefs.

  1. They'll never get along. If you believe people won't get along they'll prove you right almost every time.
  2. We're rugged individualists.  Individuals functioning in this way aren't as adept at working in teams as people who believe in collaboration.
  3. If you want it done right do it yourself.  If you're doing everything it leaves your team stranded and feeling like they can't do anything right.
  4. Teams must have a strong leader.  It's often the strong leader that gets in the way of everyone having a voice and participating actively.
  5. Collaboration was fine in kindergarten but this is the real world.  If you believe this then I know how you practice team building.
  6. Everybody has a specific job.  This keeps people firmly in their boxes and discourages creativity.
  7. Team building is secondary to productivity.  Many leaders overlook the idea that if you build a strong foundation of high-functionong teams you become more productive.
  8. Team building is too touchy-feely.  Leaders who believe this create workplaces that only allow three feelings: forced happiness, fear and anger.
  9. I don't have to participate.  Nothing says you lack commitment to team building than not participating in it with your employees.
  10. I don't have time for team building.  This is like saying you don't have time to build a roof over your building because you've got to get to work and then it rains and soaks everything.

Enlightened leaders understand that team building is a vital building block to creating workplaces where people interact positively and help each other get things done.  The way you actually build teams is to take action in small increments and do it over time.  You might offer ongoing team building training or provide opportunities for people to work together to solve problems.  Some organizations form mastermind groups that tackle thorny issues.  The idea is to gradually build a workplace where working collaboratively is encouraged.  What will you do to create a culture of team building in your organization?

Cheers,

Guy 

Self-Awareness and What Kind of Person You Are

Self-Awareness and What Kind of Person You Are

If you consistently work on increasing your self-awareness, you become a certain kind of person, usually someone who possesses the following qualities:

  • You're comfortable with yourself because you've worked on healing your inner hurts and resolving the challenging issues in your life.
  • You don't have to boast about how great you are or be superior to others. Your confidence comes from knowing yourself so well that you just live life as yourself and celebrate others who are doing the same.
  • You tend to build positive relationships.
  • Your thoughts and beliefs are integrated with your behaviors. For example: You're consistently kind to people in all areas of your life.
  • You're comfortable with your entire range of feelings.
  • You function based on hope and compassion rather than fear and competition.
  • Your public life matches your private life.
  • You don't worry about what others think but you also make sure you're compassionate and work to promote as much good for as many people as possible.
  • Your life has meaning and purpose.
  • You genuinely like yourself deep inside.
  • You live life as the real you.

The great thing about being a human being is that you can choose how you think, feel and behave, which determines what kind of person you are. What will you do to keep building your self-awareness and moving in a positive direction?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Emotional Depth

Self-Awareness and Emotional Depth

When you enjoy a high level of self-awareness you're also likely in touch with your emotions, which helps you relate well to others and live a happier life. Here are some of the characteristics of emotional depth:

  • You recognize and understand other people's feelings.
  • You understand how your emotions affect others.
  • You don't work out your personal hurts on other people.
  • You don't blindly run over people because you're trying to ignore or placate some deeper emotional issue inside you.
  • You don't pretend emotions don't exist or put down people who are "too emotional."
  • People like you.
  • You're successful because you're a nice person.
  • You live a life of empathy.

Many people think that being emotional is something to be avoided at all costs when it's really just a natural part of being a human being. It's how you deal with your emotions that impacts how balanced and at peace you are. What will you do to increase your emotional depth?

Cheers,

Guy

Define Self-Awareness

Define Self-Awareness

My clients often ask me to define self-awareness clearly so they can begin working on it. Here are some of the key elements of self-awareness:

  • Understanding of how your thoughts affect you and others.
  • Realizing how your emotions affect you and the people around you.
  • Recognizing how your behaviors affect you and other people.
  • An ability to evaluate what you do well and what needs some strengthening.
  • Living consciously instead of unconsciously.
  • Knowing who you really are deep inside.
  • Following your true path in life.

There's no mystery to self-awareness, it just means that you understand where your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors come from and that you're able to move them all in a positive direction. What would you add to this list?

Cheers,
Guy