The Self-Awareness Guy

sadness

How to Fix a Problem in Your Relationship

How to Fix a Problem in Your Relationship


Many couples reach challenging points in their relationship and don’t know what to do about them. We repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through our actions. This often happens even in dating situations and marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do about it. Here are some of the causes of conflict:

  • Neither person understands the other person’s point of view.
  • There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
  • Neither side backs down.
  • Each side tries to win.
  • Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
  • The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.

The good news is that you can help your situation by thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for both of you. Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your spouse in ways that will benefit both of you.

  • Both agree to talk.
  • Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
  • Agree on one thing to talk about.
  • Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
  • Evaluate each option.
  • Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
  • Work together to take action on the resolution.
  • Move to the next problem.
  • Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.

I also encourage my clients to do away with the word “problem” and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.

So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.

Cheers,

Guy


Why Smile?

Why Smile?


When you increase your self-awareness, you're much more likely to smile because you're more balanced and happy deep inside. Many years ago I encountered a person I hadn't met before at a workplace of mine who looked directly at me and asked why I was smiling. Her facial expression and tone of voice indicated that she wasn't joking, she genuinely wanted to squash my smile and do it quickly.

What happens when you encounter someone who doesn't smile much? What's the feeling you get from them? Countless people live lives of sadness, desperation, and resignation. They're stuck in a depressing place and can't see the positive alternatives available to them. I've found over years of working with people that it's possible to overcome negativity and move in a more joyful direction, but it requires conscious effort and dedication.

It takes a lot of courage to smile, especially in the face of sadness, anger, fear, or uncertainty. The reason I smile in even some of the most difficult situations is because I ask myself, "What's the alternative?" which is, by the way, what I said to the woman.

Building up your self-awareness is like smiling, it reflects your inner light and makes the world a better place. Why do you smile?

Cheers,
Guy

Practical Tips to Resolve Workplace Conflict

Practical Tips to Resolve Workplace Conflict

Many co-workers reach challenging points in their workplace interactions and don’t know what to do about them.  They repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through their reactions and retaliations.  This often happens even in workplaces where both people are smart, kind, intelligent and caring.  So what causes this conflict and what can you do about it?  Here are some of the main elements that cause workplace conflict and keep it going.

  • Neither person understands the other person’s point of view.
  • There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
  • Neither side backs down.
  • Each side tries to win.
  • Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
  • The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.

The challenge in many organizations is to find a way for people to resolve their differences and improve their interactions.  You can start the process by shifting your focus.  Start dealing with conflict in a way where nobody wins and both parties collaborate to find a solution that works for both people.  Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your co-workers in mutually beneficial ways.

  • Both agree to talk.
  • Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
  • Agree on one thing to talk about.
  • Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
  • Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
  • Work together to take action on the resolution.
  • Move to the next issue.
  • If necessary, have a neutral and qualified person mediate.

I also encourage leaders and employees to do away with the word “problem” and look at their workplace challenges as opportunities for movement in a positive direction.  Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.

The next time you are in the middle of a workplace conflict, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.

Cheers,

Guy

Employee Layoffs: What You Can Do to Help

Employee Layoffs: What You Can Do to Help

Many companies have seen themselves having to lay off valuable employees. This not only impacts those being let go but also affects the group left behind. The people remaining at the company go through a number of reactions to saying goodbye to their co-workers, from sadness at seeing them go to fear of the same happening to them.

As leaders or managers we can make these situations easier by doing some basic things. Try these ideas if your company is going through this type of transition.

  • Don't pretend it's not happening. Make sure you talk with people openly and often about what's going on.
  • Try not to surprise people. Let people know what's happening as you go along to avoid the dreaded blindside.
  • Deliberately set up opportunities to talk. Set up forums that encourage employees to vent and talk about what's on their mind. These work best when two-way communication occurs rather than just an information session.
  • Empathize with people. Sure it's just business but these are real lives being affected.
  • Don't burn bridges. The same talent you let go today could help you in the future.
  • It's about your reputation. Word travels fast about how your company treats its employees.
  • Continue investing in your current employees. Running lean doesn't mean we need to ignore treating our remaining employees well.
  • Plan for the future. Take some time to reevaluate your business plan and make adjustments that will help you function effectively even in difficult times.
  • Try to keep the hysteria down. Bad news travels fast and builds up to unbearable levels quite easily. Communicate continuously so you don't find yourself with a firestorm of misunderstanding and fear.
  • Connect with people meaningfully. Let people know you're human too and remember to be there for them on an ongoing basis.
  • Practice self-awareness. Be cognizant of how your thoughts and behaviors affect you and the people around you.

These ideas will help you create a workplace that weathers even the toughest economic challenges. Consider developing a plan that will allow you to meet any future conditions head on in a proactive mode. A little preparation and planning will help you keep your workplace functioning not just well but healthily.

Cheers,

Guy