The Self-Awareness Guy


How to Fix a Problem in Your Relationship

How to Fix a Problem in Your Relationship

Many couples reach challenging points in their relationship and don’t know what to do about them. We repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through our actions. This often happens even in dating situations and marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do about it. Here are some of the causes of conflict:

  • Neither person understands the other person’s point of view.
  • There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
  • Neither side backs down.
  • Each side tries to win.
  • Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
  • The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.

The good news is that you can help your situation by thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for both of you. Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your spouse in ways that will benefit both of you.

  • Both agree to talk.
  • Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
  • Agree on one thing to talk about.
  • Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
  • Evaluate each option.
  • Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
  • Work together to take action on the resolution.
  • Move to the next problem.
  • Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.

I also encourage my clients to do away with the word “problem” and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.

So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.



Why Smile?

Why Smile?

When you increase your self-awareness, you're much more likely to smile because you're more balanced and happy deep inside. Many years ago I encountered a person I hadn't met before at a workplace of mine who looked directly at me and asked why I was smiling. Her facial expression and tone of voice indicated that she wasn't joking, she genuinely wanted to squash my smile and do it quickly.

What happens when you encounter someone who doesn't smile much? What's the feeling you get from them? Countless people live lives of sadness, desperation, and resignation. They're stuck in a depressing place and can't see the positive alternatives available to them. I've found over years of working with people that it's possible to overcome negativity and move in a more joyful direction, but it requires conscious effort and dedication.

It takes a lot of courage to smile, especially in the face of sadness, anger, fear, or uncertainty. The reason I smile in even some of the most difficult situations is because I ask myself, "What's the alternative?" which is, by the way, what I said to the woman.

Building up your self-awareness is like smiling, it reflects your inner light and makes the world a better place. Why do you smile?