Self-Awareness

Self-Aware People Know How to Be Emotionally Intelligent

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People who lack self-awareness aren’t emotionally intelligent because they’re not willing or able to look deep inside themselves and keep working on being in touch with who they are and feeling things openly and constructively.

Increasing self-awareness and developing emotional intelligence doesn’t just happen, it takes a lot of deliberate effort. If you’re like the vast majority of people, you were raised or currently function in an environment that actively distorts, discourages, ignores, fears, or mocks emotions. That leaves you with less than ideal tools to deal with your own and other people’s emotions.

There’s a lot of drama going on but nobody knows how to make things better. Luckily, there’s something you can do about it. Here are some practical ideas on how to be emotionally intelligent:

  • Learn to name the four main emotions: happiness, anger, sadness, and fear.
  • Learn how to accurately identify these feelings when they are going on inside you.
  • Learn how to deal with or manage the emotions you’re feeling in a positive way.
  • Learn how to name the emotions other people are having and deal with or manage them in a positive way.
  • Learn how to use your emotions to live a happy, balanced life.

So, how do you learn these things? You practice them. For example: The next time you feel angry about something, stop and take five deep breaths, then take five minutes to simply feel what’s going on inside your body; don’t react or take action in any way, just feel what’s going on inside. Do this each time you feel the anger. Over time, you’ll become adept at feeling the emotion instead of reacting unconsciously to it. Once you’ve learned how to experience the emotion without falling apart, you can move on to taking action in a positive way.

The key to being emotionally intelligent is to be able to feel what’s going on inside you and use it positively, as well as being comfortable with other people’s emotions. When you possess emotional intelligence, you’re no longer simply reacting to what’s going on within and around you, you’re deliberately and wisely dealing with and managing the situation.

What will you do to increase your self-awareness and be emotionally intelligent?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Deciding What You Want to Do in Life

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Self-awareness is a vital element of deciding what you want to do in life because, when you know yourself well deep inside, you’re able to use your emotions, thoughts, and actions to move in the direction of your dreams.

Many of us are searching for what we want to do with our lives. I frequently recommend to my clients that they do things that bring them joy and that really speak to who they are as a person. A quick checklist you can use to figure out if you are doing what you love could include:

  • What do I love doing more than anything? Am I doing it?
  • What am I doing to pursue my dreams?
  • Am I settling for a life that does not include my dreams?
  • What am I afraid of?
  • What can I do today to move toward my dreams?

Moving one’s life in the direction we want it to go in requires conscious thought. The good news is that anyone can do concrete things to move in any direction they want. Start today and you could be on your way to doing the things you’ve dreamed of.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and follow the path you want to in life?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Getting Help to Fix Your Relationship Problems

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Self-awareness helps you resolve your relationship problems because, when you understand how you and other people’s emotions, thoughts, and actions affect the situation at hand, you’re actually able to do something about it.

Many people who have relationship problems think that they can fix them themselves or get help from friends and family. The difficulty with this approach is that not everyone is qualified to help us find the answers we want. They may mean well and love us very much but they may not have a clue on how to actually fix a problem. Ask yourself the following questions next time you are looking for someone to help you with your relationship problems:

  • Does this person have a track record of expert relationship problem solving?
  • Does this person listen unconditionally without giving advice?
  • Does this person help you come up with your own answers?
  • Is this person too close to the situation or not objective enough?
  • Does the person have anything to gain from a specific outcome?
  • Has this person had any training in fixing relationships?
  • Does this person use self-awareness as a tool to improve relationships?

These basic questions highlight the importance of getting help that will not only make you feel better or supported but, additionally, to find help that helps you create the results you want. The advice you get from others may be kind and supportive but does the problem go away?

Clients often tell me that it is difficult to seek outside help. We are often taught that we need to fix things ourselves or should not trust anyone outside of friends and family. The good news is that a supportive consultant has the skills and experience to help you move in any direction you choose.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and fix your relationship problems?

Cheers,

Guy

Do You Limit Your Self-Awareness?

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A lot of people limit their self-awareness because they’re afraid of looking at their hurts and admitting that they might benefit from making some changes. Here are some examples of thoughts and actions that hinder self-awareness:

  • The belief that you don’t have to work on yourself.
  • Thinking that you’re just fine as is, even when everything is crumbling around you.
  • Saying you don’t have time for all that touchy-feely stuff.
  • Acting like you know everything.
  • Living superficially.
  • Refusing to examine the things you might want to improve so you can become a more effective version of you.
  • Trying to control things so people won’t find out how insecure you are.
  • Not wanting to go to therapy.
  • Living life reactively instead of proactively.
  • Doing the same thing you’ve always done.
  • The belief that life is hard and you can’t do anything to change it.
  • Fear of change.

A lot of people stay stuck because they refuse to take an honest look at themselves and learn about what would help them move forward. They literally live their entire lives being miserable. The good news is that you don’t have to be unhappy, just work on figuring out who you are and you’ll be on your way to enjoying a self-aware life.

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Being Insecure

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When you enjoy a high level of self-awareness you tend to be less insecure because you understand who you really are and you don’t compare yourself to others. Countless people wander through life measuring themselves against some arbitrary standard set by someone else rather than becoming healthy and happy on their own. The first step in moving past insecurity is to acknowledge it. Here are some signs to look for:

  • You compare yourself to others.
  • You try to be perfect.
  • Deep down inside, you don’t like yourself.
  • You’re not living your own life.
  • You don’t treat yourself or others well.
  • You seldom practice compassion.
  • You’re always trying to beat someone else.
  • You revel in power and control.

When you do these types of things, it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person but, rather, that you may not have yet really gotten in touch with the person you really are deep inside. Take the time to get to know who you really are and live your life based on your true joys and passions and you won’t have to worry about what others think or compare yourself to anyone but yourself. What will you do to reduce your insecurity?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Means Being Yourself

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There are a lot of miserable people walking around because they’re doing what their families tell them to do, what their friends want them to do, or what some external being compels them to do rather than focusing on building self-awareness and living authentically.

The true key to happiness is to be yourself and live as the real you. Over many years of consulting for individuals who value developing self-awareness, I’ve noticed that people cause themselves all kinds of unnecessary grief and tension because they don’t live in a way that reflects who they really are inside.

When you’re the authentic you it opens all kinds of doors, you meet people who understand where you’re coming from and what you’re doing. You project positive energy when you’re following your passion. Since I let go of being someone I wasn’t and became a poet, I feel better about myself and connect with people who value what I do. I really like it when people like the real me instead of some artificial persona.

What do you do to be yourself?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Family Functioning

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Self-awareness is a major component of healthy family functioning because, the more people understand themselves, the easier it will be for them to get along with each other and interact positively. We’ve been led to believe that families are about order, control, hierarchy, respect, tradition and other words that put people in boxes rather than encourage them to be themselves and live joyfully. People in restrictive families are often asked to do things like:

  • Keep secrets.
  • Sublimate their own identity to fit the group.
  • Follow rules, no matter how unreasonable or arbitrary.
  • Be in constant conflict and call it love.
  • Occasionally do nice things for each other.
  • Have no effective problem-solving or conflict resolution mechanisms.
  • Talk only about approved subjects.
  • Blindly defer to people who may not know what they’re doing.
  • Only express approved emotions.
  • Negative behaviors are tolerated.

These types of actions are common in many families but don’t lead to celebrating individuals and helping them discover who they really are deep inside. When family members possess a high level of self-awareness they likely promote behaviors such as:

  • Talking openly about difficult subjects.
  • Building one’s own identify and being accepted.
  • Worrying less about rules and more about critical thinking.
  • Treating each other with kindness and empathy.
  • Consistently doing nice things for each other.
  • Understanding how to fix problems and resolve conflicts.
  • All conversation topics are valid and important.
  • Everyone is equal.
  • All emotions are welcome.
  • Positive behaviors are the norm.

There is a vast difference between the type of interactions that result from the first list and the second. The higher your level of self-awareness is, the more likely you are to move away from power and control to encouraging everyone to be his or her amazing self without restrictions or conditions. What will you do to improve your family functioning?

Cheers,
Guy

The Self-Awareness Guy