The Self-Awareness Guy

Most Leaders Lack Self-Awareness and Create Toxic Workplaces

February 9, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Most leaders lack self-awareness and create toxic workplaces without even knowing it because it feels normal to them. They go through their days behaving in ways that are detrimental to themselves and their employees because they’ve always done it that way. Workplace habits are hard to interrupt unless leaders consciously decide to do something else. Here are some leadership behaviors that demonstrate a lack of self-awareness and are very common in a toxic workplace:

Shouting orders.
Not listening to people.
Not allowing people to have a voice.
Underpaying employees.
Not giving people time off to recharge or balance their lives.
Behavior correction through punishment.
Imposing strict hierarchy.
Like it or there’s the door attitude.
Getting angry or behaving disrespectfully.
Putting employees under constant stress.
Sticking people in boxes.
Limiting creativity or self-expression.

The standard reaction when I point out these toxic behaviors is one of surprise or confusion because so many of our workplaces function based on these types of actions. The key to building a happy and productive workplace is being able to envision a workplace where self-aware, empathic, positive practices are the norm. For example, a healthy workplace would likely value these behaviors:

Asking people to do things in a kind way.
Listening.
Encouraging people to use their voices.
Paying a living wage.
Giving people generous time off.
Helping people find their own best behaviors.
Creating a horizontal organizational structure.
Helping people generate their own solutions to difficult issues.
Behaving kindly, compassionately and respectfully.
Building a workplace that doesn’t stress people out.
Allowing people to use their talents and abilities.
Welcoming creativity and individuality.

Many leaders who lack self-awareness are highly skeptical of this type of approach and don’t think it’s possible or practical; which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because, if you don’t believe you can create a healthy workplace, you won’t. It takes time, energy, self-awareness and commitment to design a work environment where leaders and employees behave positively but it feels great when you achieve it.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and create a healthy workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness Are Stingy with Praise

February 8, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Leaders who lack self-awareness are stingy with praise because they don’t realize how important it is to help others feel great about themselves and to build people up instead of always correcting or tearing them down.

I consult with many different leaders and organizations and I get a feel for how their workplaces run by observing how they interact in the training we do together. I regularly notice that when the topic of praise (or praising employees) comes up or when we discuss praising people on the job one or more people will raise an objection. It usually goes something like this:

You have to be careful about praising too much.
It’s counter-productive to praise all the time.
It’s phony to praise people a lot.
Praise makes people soft.
Praise makes people achieve less.
How do you praise everyone when only one person deserves praise?
Why would I praise bad behavior?
I don’t believe you.
That doesn’t work.

The remarkable thing about these types of statement or questions is how much they illustrate our lack of self-awareness and related discomfort about praising employees. Perhaps it comes from our families; where we had to prove our worth or rarely (if ever) heard a supportive word. It could arise from never having worked in an organization where praise was part of the culture or leadership praised often. These thought patterns become entrenched in us to the point where we’ll argue about whether praise is positive and behave accordingly.

What I’ve come to realize is that people who lack self-awareness are suspicious of praise primarily because they have not experienced it in action. Praise builds workplaces where employees feel valued. It is also one of the best tools to increase the likelihood that employees will repeat a desired behavior and find other ways to contribute. People like it when someone appreciates the work they’re doing or the ideas they bring to the table.

Leaders who lack self-awareness don’t praise much, if at all, and tend to create workplaces where people are starving for recognition, feel unappreciated and where productivity, procedures and rules take precedence over people. Praise offers a great opportunity to create a workplace that celebrates instead of castigates. Here are some guidelines for praising people:

Praise positive behaviors.
Be genuine and generous.
Praise specific things that people are doing well.
Distribute praise evenly, find something positive each person is doing.
Make the praise about the other person, keep it brief and focused on them.
Keep praising until it becomes the new culture.

The trap many leaders get caught in is thinking that praise is stroking people for bad work when it’s actually about celebrating good work. We’ve been conditioned into thinking that criticism and directives are the only ways to motivate people when a simple, “I appreciate the great job you did,” does much more for building morale and motivation.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and praise people more in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

18 Emotional Intelligence Examples That Self-Aware People Recognize

February 8, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-aware people practice emotional intelligence because they have the ability to experience, manage, and use their feelings to take positive action, including in social settings. They also are able to identify and positively deal with other people’s feelings, perspectives, and ways of doing things.

Here are some emotional intelligence examples that self-aware people will recognize:

A person who is not threatened by emotions and doesn’t run away from or try to avoid them.
A boss who is in touch with emotions and is able to use them to be a kind person at work and treat employees with care and compassion.
A person who makes positive decisions regardless of the emotion they are feeling inside.
A boss who is comfortable dealing with employees’ and co-workers’ emotions and is able to listen to them regardless of the situation.
A man who is able to identify and manage his anger so that it helps him learn, grow, and treat himself and his family better.
A man who is able to identify and manage his sadness so it doesn’t affect him and others negatively and helps him learn more about himself and move in a positive direction.
A teacher who understands students’ emotions and provides support and comfort.
A person in a leadership position who is comfortable with emotions and avoids doing things to hurt others.
A father who encourages his son to experience emotions without getting in the way or trying to stifle certain ones.
Any person who is able to identify and name the emotion being experienced and use it to do positive things.
An individual who is able to be there for someone else when the other person is experiencing an emotion.
A person who doesn’t let negative emotions affect how they treat others.
An individual who doesn’t live in fear, sadness, or anger because they have learned how to identify, feel, and deal with emotions.
A person who has worked through a difficult emotional history and emerged stronger and healthier.
An individual who understands that emotions are normal.
A person who uses emotions to live a balanced, happy life.
An individual who feels good inside and knows what to do when negative emotions arise.
A person who gets along well with others.

The key to being emotionally intelligent is to build self-awareness by consciously identifying what you’re feeling deep inside and then using the emotion in a positive way, whether it’s to learn or do something beneficial.

Practicing emotional intelligence takes time and effort but, when you do it, you’ll live a much happier life. What will you do to develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware People Know How to Be Emotionally Intelligent

February 8, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

People who lack self-awareness aren’t emotionally intelligent because they’re not willing or able to look deep inside themselves and keep working on being in touch with who they are and feeling things openly and constructively.

Increasing self-awareness and developing emotional intelligence doesn’t just happen, it takes a lot of deliberate effort. If you’re like the vast majority of people, you were raised or currently function in an environment that actively distorts, discourages, ignores, fears, or mocks emotions. That leaves you with less than ideal tools to deal with your own and other people’s emotions.

There’s a lot of drama going on but nobody knows how to make things better. Luckily, there’s something you can do about it. Here are some practical ideas on how to be emotionally intelligent:

Learn to name the four main emotions: happiness, anger, sadness, and fear.
Learn how to accurately identify these feelings when they are going on inside you.
Learn how to deal with or manage the emotions you’re feeling in a positive way.
Learn how to name the emotions other people are having and deal with or manage them in a positive way.
Learn how to use your emotions to live a happy, balanced life.

So, how do you learn these things? You practice them. For example: The next time you feel angry about something, stop and take five deep breaths, then take five minutes to simply feel what’s going on inside your body; don’t react or take action in any way, just feel what’s going on inside. Do this each time you feel the anger. Over time, you’ll become adept at feeling the emotion instead of reacting unconsciously to it. Once you’ve learned how to experience the emotion without falling apart, you can move on to taking action in a positive way.

The key to being emotionally intelligent is to be able to feel what’s going on inside you and use it positively, as well as being comfortable with other people’s emotions. When you possess emotional intelligence, you’re no longer simply reacting to what’s going on within and around you, you’re deliberately and wisely dealing with and managing the situation.

What will you do to increase your self-awareness and be emotionally intelligent?

Cheers,

Guy

How Self-Aware Leaders Deal with Problems at Work

February 7, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-aware leaders are able to deal with problems at work because they understand their and others’ emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, which helps them build highly functional workplaces.

We all know people who keep going when things get tough at work but it’s another story to do it ourselves if it happens to us. It’s so much easier to tell someone else how to keep going but not quite as simple when you have to do it yourself. Here are some tips on what you can do to use self-awareness when challenges arise in your work life.

This Too Shall Pass
Even the most difficult situations eventually go away and transform into something else. Change is constantly happening at work and and even terrible times eventually end.

What Can I Learn?
Everything that happens to you is a chance to learn. Think about what you would and how you might prepare differently in the future.

New Opportunities
Any challenge that comes your way is an opportunity to think in new ways and discover alternate approaches.

You Can Handle It and You Don’t Have to Control It
There really isn’t anything you can’t handle unless you convince yourself that you can’t. Remember that there are things that you simply can’t control.

Your Mental Attitude
You don’t have to forget that things are difficult but you can focus your thoughts on what you can do about the situation rather than what you can’t change.

Take Care of Yourself
Do things to comfort yourself, that bring you joy and don’t cost money. Take a walk, hug your significant other, exercise or do any other activity that helps you feel better.

Try these ideas the next time you feel that work is too much. With some practice, you’ll find that you can handle anything that comes your way in your career and workplace. What will you do to develop self-awareness and deal effectively with the problems that come your way?

Cheers,

Guy

Team Building, Self-Awareness, and Healing the Past to Move Forward

February 7, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

When people in a workplace, starting with leadership, possess self-awareness, they are able to practice effective team building and heal negative situations, memories, and other remnants from the past in order to move forward together successfully.

Many teams hang on to hurts from the past that get in the way of practicing effective team building. Although it’s highly beneficial to heal past hurts, it’s common for leaders and teams that lack self-awareness to pretend that they don’t exist and avoid dealing with them. When you heal the past you get rid of the junk that clogs up your workplace interactions. You get a chance to hit the reset button and move in whatever direction you want with your team.

I am not recommending that your group wallows in agony and despair. Your goal is to develop self-awareness, benefit from acknowledging the past, and then move forward. If you have some issue that affects your team’s functioning today why not do something to move past it? Once you resolve it you’ll be ready to grow without having that issue holding you back in any way. Here’s how you can get started working together on putting the past behind you.

1. Think of something that happened to the team that still affects everyone to this day.

2. Acknowledge that it exists.

3. Write down how it affects each person currently.

4. How would the group be different if this issue were not in the picture?

5. What is each member of the team willing to do to move beyond the issue?

Your answers to these ideas will help you start a dialogue and create a starting point so that you can move forward without the the past weighing you down. You’ll also all work together more happily without the stuff that was holding you back.

What will you do to increase self-awareness in your workplace and build strong teams that heal the past?

Cheers,

Guy

Leadership, Self-Awareness, and Your Beliefs

February 7, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

The more self-awareness you possess, the more positively you view your environment because you’re able to deal effectively with your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, which leads to beneficial beliefs.

Your leadership style reflects what you believe about the world: If you think change is undesirable, your workplace will reflect that perspective; if you believe that trying new things is advantageous, your workplace will move in that direction. Your level of self-awareness and the resulting beliefs impact how your organization functions and sends your employees distinct messages about their roles and importance. Let’s look at two leadership belief systems and the underlying messages they broadcast:

We’ve Always Done It this Way

Don’t rock the boat.
Do as you’re told.
Change is scary.
Keep things as they’ve always been.
Flexibility is weakness.
Don’t question.
Follow the rules.
Know your place.
Keep your ideas to yourself.
There’s only one way to solve a problem, my way.
Self-awareness is discouraged.

Something New, Better or Different Is Possible

Shake things up.
Do things based on your own judgement.
Welcome change.
Be open to trying new things.
Flexibility is agility.
Question things.
There are no rules.
Design your own role.
Share your ideas freely.
There are many ways to solve a problem.
Self-awareness is valued.

When I describe these two leadership approaches when I consult with organizations, someone who lacks self-awareness will inevitably say something like, “There has to be order and someone has to be in charge, you can’t just let everyone do what they want,” to which I answer, “Why not?”

Leaders can design any type of workplace they want. They can give their employees power by allowing them to think and act independently, develop new ideas and question current practices or they can keep making people toe the line and do what’s always been done. The only obstacle is what they believe is possible.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and use your beliefs to build a healthy workplace for everyone?

Cheers,

Guy